Okay, every political party needs to have an infrastructure policy and WARP is no exception. Most Australians live in cities, so this particular set of policies will focus on the cities, but fear not if you live in the country, WARP has not forgotten you. We will be releasing our policies for regional Australia soon.
But back to infrastructure; to address congestion WARP will supply each and every adult with a brand new personalised jetpack. This will make the commute into cities a lot less congested and hopefully a lot more exciting than sitting on public transport next to the guy who hasn’t showered, the woman whose perfume is threatening to suffocate you, or the teenager who is playing music so loud they will probably be deaf in 10 minutes, if they aren’t already. Free flying lessons (well a 3-page manual) will be included with the flat-pack self-assembly jetpacks. If you end up with a screw left over, it’s probably not going to be important…happy flying.
WARP will fund this policy through printing money, yes, printing money, and then unilaterally revaluing the proposed new WAD to make it worth $US 1000, after all, nobody seems to have worked out any serious economic solution to the world economy so this will have as much chance of working as anything else. If this policy doesn’t get us elected, then I’ll eat my hat, but only if it’s made out of a loaf of bread or a watermelon.
However, we don’t have all our eggs in one basket – no sir. Our second policy is to invest in the development of flying carpets, as this will result in a significant reduction in carbon emissions (other than those from the terrified flyers). We have already been on fact-finding missions to Oman, Turkey, and Iran to investigate options. These missions will be retrospectively charged to the taxpayer if we are elected.
But the main plank of our infrastructure policy is that WARP will commit build a bloody big tower somewhere in Perth – at least a 1000 metres high. We’re sick of not being on the list of the world’s tallest buildings and we’re dying to be able to go abroad and say ‘We’ve got a bigger one than you!’
In addition to this we will:
- Build loads of railways;
- Build a canal to bring water down from the Kimberley, or Indonesia if you like, or perhaps we’ll tow a few icebergs up from the South Pole;
- Build a spaceship to take people to Mars;
- Build a space station on Mars so said people don’t immediately die on arrival; and
- Build a replica of the Starship Enterprise and send people out into space to boldly go where nobody has gone before, and maybe even come back.
Of course, going into the future to constructing a lift into space connecting Australia to the universe. At the top of this lift will be a ministerial office for the Minister for Interplanetary Affairs. This Minister will be in charge of all silly and inane ideas and will be formally addressed as The Space Cadet.
These projects will provide huge numbers of jobs for anybody silly enough to get involved in them, thus also solving the unemployment problem. So vote WARP for loads of infrastructure and millions of jobs.
Stay tuned for more WARPed policy next week when we will address our commitment to regional Australia.
VOTE WARP – the only party to get serious about building The Enterprise.