Okay, in the previous two weeks WARP has released its policies on electoral reform and also new ministerial offices, together with talking like pirates, energy conservation, zombies, and many other crucial issues for today’s society – now it’s time to raise the level of the debate, to get serious. It should be noted that WARP is an apolitical political party.
WARP intends to:
- Build a bloody big tower somewhere in Perth – at least a 1000 metres high. We’re sick of not being on the list of the world’s tallest buildings and we’re dying to be able to go abroad and say ‘We’ve got a bigger one than you!’
- Instigate a compulsory siesta during the summer months. This siesta will run from 12 mid-day to 4pm and, although it will not be compulsory, it will be considered un-Western Australia to work through this period.
- Award an extra week of leave to every West Australian. This leave will be called Beach Leave, and all who take it are expected to spend it at the beach. WARP, if elected, will subsidise 5 trips to the beach each year. We will be checking up on you.
- Make it an offence to say that Perth is boring. Only boring people find Perth boring. There will be a 3-strike policy. If people are caught saying that Perth is boring three times they will be officially designated as un-Western Australian and have their citizenship revoked.
- Publish an official ‘Gunna’ list. This will be a list of all the things WARP has promised it is gunna do that will mysteriously evaporate after the election and we will deny all knowledge of ever having promised them.
WARP will also insist that the following prayer be said at the beginning of every parliamentary sitting day.
The Official Politician’s Prayer
Our government, somehow elected
Delusion be our game.
My god we’re dumb
But there’s work to be done
And blame to be deflected.
Delay us today our daily decisions.
And forgive us our empty promises,
As we forgive those who make empty
promises in response.
And lead us not into innovation,
But deliver us from progress.
For we have the Ministers,
With the power and the will
To speak bullshit
For ever and ever.
Stay tuned for more policies!