Monthly Archives: March 2014

WARP navel gazes, releases new policies

Okay then, we’re getting into this WA Senate election lark. After our previous post we went away and did some navel-gazing. Unfortunately all we saw was a bit of belly-button fluff. Once that was removed, it was time to devise some more cutting edge policies! We thought – what would be ban if we were elected (or could be bothered to stand for election). So here goes

WARP is committed to the following actions when it gains its rightful place in the Senate:

– Ban all loud people on public transport (you know who you are!)
– Ban all right-angles from architecture – this will make buildings far more aesthetically pleasing.
– Ban all swear-words. We acknowledge this may cause tension, so as the word MUTTOCKS! will be permissible as a replacement.
– Ban all cooking and home renovation programmes from TV. These will be replaced by live feeds showing grass growing and paint drying. Nobody will notice the difference.
– Ban all political parties that persist in taking the piss out of the public with disingenuous statements, 3-word slogans, by stabbing leaders in the back, wasting time with petty political games when there’s a country that needs running, and also making vacuous policy statements.


It’s WA Senate Election time…

Time for a WARPed policy announcement!

If WARP could be bothered getting off its arse and register as a political party and stand for election, rather than go down the beach and count sharks, it would make the following policy announcement.

If elected, the Western Australian Revolutionary Party would,

– build a snow-capped mountain range to the east of Perth
– recycle all the hot air produced in Parliament
– provide a paddle to all those up shit creek without one
– transmute lead into gold
– make all politicians dress like the clowns they are – red noses and all!
– commit to honour at least 50% of its promises (not sure about this one though)
– institute compulsory siestas
– have ‘beach leave’ as a standard employment condition
– allow voters to vote for anybody, whether they’ve nominated or not
– commence a multi-phase strategic review to ensure a systematic rationalisation of the operational paradigms that currently underpin the foundations of our policy platform (if you know what this really means please tell us!).

More to come later, if we can be bothered. For a full policy suite, see the previous posts!