Monthly Archives: March 2016

VOTE WARP – for a faster future

WARP, the voice of the right-thinking silent majority is gearing for the coming election, having expanded from a West Australian focus to the national stage. WARP is going to embrace the Double Dissolution election as we see it as an opportunity to get noticed and get changes happening. Yes indeed, WARP has a plan to re-mould Australia, and possibly even get rid of the Cling-ons in the Senate. Our first set of policy positions are outlined below.

  • If we get elected we will redraw the boundaries (see map), as we believe this best reflects the will of the right-thinking silent majority who would agree that the current situation is un-Australian. This new map is more Australian in the eyes of WARP and right-thinking silent majority it represents. Click on the map for a good close look! I’m sure you’ll be supportive.

warp maps

  • The first thing WARP would do once elected, after realigning the various boundaries would be to apply the technology that allows companies to run mines remotely from Perth, to government. WARP would run Canberra remotely from Perth from the basement of a building somewhere in the CBD. It is clearly possible to run Canberra remotely as Tony Abbott has proved from various places around the world.
  • As I recently discovered to my cost a large beer costs $11. This is intolerable. So after surveying a broad cross-section of the community to see if such a policy would pass the ‘pub test’ WARP will address this matter. WARP commits to including beer on the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme as this will make it more affordable.
  • Following this we would rename the dollar, the West Australian Dollar, to be known as the WAD, because everybody wants a WAD of cash in their pocket, don’t they?

And finally, we are honoured to have recruited The Honourable Lord Barr-Studd from the House of Lords in the UK following his recent ‘retirement’. He will be our El Presidente of the party – the committee (Me) accepted his offer. He seems to tick all the boxes…he knows nothing about Australia, is a long way away, and has no grip on reality.  All he has to do is tell everybody how great Australia, mostly Western Australia, is (he can make stuff up if he likes), take long trips overseas, and make sporadic appearances in the tabloids after yet another ‘lapse of judgement’ and subsequent scandal. He will be able to live in the soon-to-be Canberra funded mansion to be built in the Cocos Islands once we ascend to power. His biography is here.


More next week



WARP enters the election race – for the election – date to be advised

As it is clear that Australian is heading to the polls – eventually, maybe sooner than later, in true political style WARP is recycling its policy platform for the coming election and this is our manifesto…

We promise to lower income taxes

We promise to lower business taxes

We promise to reduce the deficit

We promise to solve the refugee problem – well at least find a good excuse to not solve it

We promise to give free education

We promise to give free health care

We promise to have a strong defence policy

We promise to stay in Eurovision

We promise to leave Eurovision

We promise that there is life on Mars, and maybe even in Western Australia too

We promise world peace, or at least peace in Canberra

We promise that all lawyers are nice people

And accountants and real estate agents and bankers too, but possibly not politicians, even us

We promise to prove that unicorns really do exist

We promise to ban reality TV and that annoying fixation on food and renovation programs

We promise to keep Johnny Depp’s dogs alive should they revisit Australia

We promise to attend to your every need, whatever that might be

We promise to review all our promises should we be elected and see reality; and finally

Should we be elected, we promise to find numerous ways to deny we ever made any promises in the first place


So….VOTE FOR WARP – get the Australia up to WARP FACTOR 10!

For convenience we have a manual for all aspiring politicians who want to jump on our bandwagon, even though it only has three wheels –  More Gravy Please!