Tag Archives: great big new tax

VOTE WARP – FOR A TAX ON LYCRA IN THE OFFICE

Time for another policy release. WARP doesn’t bother waiting for the election to be called before releasing a policy, no, we get in on the ground floor and plummet to the basement early.

What has been exercising WARP’s mind recently is tax. Yes, you heard correctly – TAX! What is that all about? Negative Gearing, Capital Gains Tax, Income Tax, Company Tax, Sales Tax, GST…the list is endless and WARP commites to do something about it.

Vote WARP for the abolition of ALL OF THESE TAXES! Yes, you heard correctly, we’re going to get rid of them ALL!

And we are unashamedly going to replace them with, to quote Toned Abs, one GREAT BIG NEW TAX and a few others that I’m sure you’ll support. Our tax policy is below.

Our GREAT BIG NEW TAX is to place a levy on the use of oxygen. This way there will be more efficient use of our planet’s most valuable gas. So, basically, if you get up and spout off about all sorts of shit, we’ll tax the buggery out of you. If, on the other hand, you stay quietly at home and let us get on with running the country, you’ll pay less tax. However, if you spend time extolling the virtues of WARP we tax the shit of you too. WARP hates people who suck up to us – it’s nauseating.

  • WARP will tax political donations at a rate of 200%. If you have enough money to waste on donation to political parties, then you clearly have too much money. WARP will send that money into the coffers of the country. This tax includes such activities as fund-raising dinners and donations from lobby groups. Such ridiculous use of money means you can afford to donate as much again to the tax office.
  • WARP will also slap a tax on over-priced wine at a rate of 50%, payable by the producer. Nobody should have to be surprised by shit wine when they have paid a reasonable price for it. WARP will advertise for new employees if elected. These people will work for the tax office and will come from all walks of life. The only selection criteria will be that they ‘like a drop of vino.’
  • And yeah! There’s nothing worse than lyrca in the office on a morning, so WARP will tax the wearing of lycra in the office at $100 a time.
  • And finally, WARP will tax the income of politicians at 100%. They should be there or the love of it! We will however, make sure the perks more than make up for this.

tax

 

George.